Should you be friends first before dating
When you already have a history of friendship, of doing favors for each other just because you want to, you can easily consciously pull back a little bit to make room for some of that passion and desire to grow.
It's harder to do the opposite – that is, to put more effort in when you don't already care about your partner's needs.
Satisfying your partner's needs or wants increases how much he or she likes you and how friendly he or she feels toward you — but it can also reduce his or her desire to chase you for more.
In contrast, not satisfying a partner's needs may keep him or her passionately pursuing you and trying to please you, but will eventually lead to dislike, dissatisfaction and animosity.
This friendship-first approach has fundamentally changed my understanding of dating and relationships.
Observe what happened next…A year after meeting Jessica, I needed to travel to a new city for work and I realized that I had no place to stay there.
We all know the guys who meet you and become friends with you but are really only doing that because they hope one day you'll bone and then if you ever get a boyfriend, they hate you. With him, you've always known he would be your friend either way because he genuinely likes you no matter what, which is the best foundation ever for a kickass relationship. You know how to make each other laugh, so telling him a joke isn't like throwing piles of dust into the wind. You know the basics about his childhood and any possible weirdness there.
When you date strangers, it's so hard to know what their sense of humor is or what they find funny, so often you feel like a total weirdo when a joke doesn't land because he doesn't get it or it's not his thing. It's been like a year of the hottest foreplay of your life. No, you haven't met his family yet but you know what his sister does for work, and if he had a brother who was not that nice to him, and whether or not he had a nice or crappy childhood, all of which allowed you to understand him way more than a guy on Tinder you've spoken to for 60 minutes about sports. You can tell when he's stressed versus mad versus has a personality disorder.
Over the course of our time together, we talked about plenty of our romantic and sexual preferences, but neither of us pressed for anything physical.If his last girlfriend texted him 4,000 times a day, you know not to text him 4,000 times a day and thus, only text him 3,999 times a day. One of the hardest parts about dating someone new is "oh my god, who even is this stranger?! He already knows some of your #issues and is fine with them." but with him, you already have a pretty good sense of who he is because you've spent the last year hanging out with him like pals. He knows that you start imagining he's dead on the side of the road when he doesn't text you back for eight hours so he does his best not to make you think he's dead. If he's the type of guy who would've been your friend whether you eventually dated or not, he's already the best kind of guy to date.(Are there things you keep secret from your partner? (Are there times you dread spending time with your partner?) You freely give your time, energy and attention to your friends. )We should be giving our relationship partners the same kind of support we give our friends. in Psychology Today, in order for a relationship to be successful, there must be a balance between two very different concepts that reflect both the friendship and passionate parts of a relationship.
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During my semester abroad in college, I went on a trip to Rome with my best guy friend, and I can guarantee you neither of us felt a spark or tried to make "love" happen, even when we were admiring the Colosseum together or eating spaghetti and drinking wine under the dim lights of romantic outdoor restaurants. If you're in the category of male/female friendship in which something more could definitely be on the horizon, know that taking that leap of faith could be the best decision you'll ever make.