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My Son Adores His Plus-Size Wife, and My Mother Despises Her: My mother has always had an unreasonable dislike for excess weight.
She hardly eats and harangues her daughters and daughters-in-law each time they have a baby to lose the weight immediately.
Though we see my son and DIL regularly, he has not spoken to his grandmother since. My mother will not promise to hold her tongue about my DIL’s “horrid fat.” In desperation, I at one point offered to pay for a personal trainer or even gastric bypass, but that only led to a huge argument with my son. I would love to have one final family gathering with every member in attendance, but my son will not attend without his wife, and he will not bring her if it means she will be subjected to unkind comments.
I can’t persuade my mother to change her ways, but is there something I could say to my son to convince him to suck it up this once for the sake of family harmony and good memories?
I decided with my biological clock ticking, and my history of chasing chemistry resulting in bad relationships, that I had to put that aside and go for a responsible relationship.
I am Chinese, and so I am expected to obey my parents. Is there a way forward with my parents, and should I tell my boyfriend?
A: I often hear from people who are children of immigrants who are being pressured to live up to cultural expectations from the old country.
But if the old country was so great, what are the parents doing in the new country? You tell them if their main goal in life was your finding a traditional Chinese husband, they made a huge error by raising you in the United States.
You explain this diverse society has—to your delight—brought your way a wonderful young man whom you love. A couple years ago my now ex-boyfriend loaned me a large amount of money when I was in a tight spot.